As we pursue our own deeply personal journeys of tactical self-discovery, we inevitably begin to ask questions. About ourselves. About our relationships with the firearms in our lives. For some, those questions may be difficult. Uncomfortable. Even disillusioning.
Such questions may include:
“Why have I never owned a Glock?”
“How do I tell my friends and family I’ve experimented with single stacks?”
“Is it wrong to have strong feelings for roller-delayed actions?”
If you find yourself pondering such profound existential quandaries, you may indeed be…
Different.
Where others embrace threaded barrels, modern optics and tactical pants, you may feel a strange attraction to cold war battle rifles and cleverly engineered fixed-barrel actions. In extreme cases, you may have even considered purchasing a DSA FAL or an HK P9S.
But fret not, fervent friend of hammers, decockers and non-tilting breech-lock mechanisms. You are not alone. There are others like you. Others who think, feel and live like you. Others who know German date codes by heart. Others who feel that same sense of rage, loss and emptiness when they see a Beretta 92 with a red dot.
We call ourselves…
Gun Hipsters.
And you’re one of us. So be proud. Be strong. And don’t be afraid to put an old-school carry handle on your brand-new AR. Because, honestly, ARs look kinda weird without carry handles.
But as you embrace this journey of tactical self-affirmation, you will likely have further questions—about what to expect and how to move forward. That’s why we’ve prepared this brief guide to help you find clarity and peace of mind as you learn to live confidently as a gun hipster.
What does being a gun hipster mean for my life and my loved ones?
First and foremost, it’s important to get your partner comfortable watching Lethal Weapon and Die Hard while you stoically wield your late ‘80s Beretta 92F—unloaded and pointed in a safe direction, of course. Once you’ve established this as a baseline, you’ll begin to feel more comfortable talking openly about why Smith & Wesson 3rd Generation pistols are underrated and why modern production techniques are no substitute for hand-fitting in production-grade 1911s. Especially when you consider tolerance stacking.
In time, the people in your life may even learn to appreciate the merits of short-stroke piston-driven actions vs. direct impingement. But it’s important to remember not to rush things. Because gun-hipster families grow strongest… when gun-hipster families grow together.
Now that I know I’m a gun hipster, do I have to grow a man bun and a handlebar mustache?
Actually, no. It’s a common misconception that gun hipsters must also be hipsters in the general sense. In fact, it’s entirely possible that you have NO other hipster tendencies in your life other than guns. But as soon as you’re able to casually explain the differences between roller-delayed vs. roller-locked actions to coworkers, family members and pets, you’ve certainly crossed the threshold of hipster-dom as it relates to firearms.
Now, there’s nothing to say you can’t grow a handlebar mustache. Or listen to depressing indie bands no one’s heard of. Or crop your bangs and dye your hair 3 different colors. Even if you’re a dude. Because being a gun hipster has nothing to with your race, gender, sexual orientation, fashion sense or ability to conjure images in latte foam. It’s about having informed opinions on extractor variations in Sigs and maintaining a general hatred for accessory rails on pistols designed prior to 2005.
But if I’m not an overall hipster, why do I still un-ironically enjoy kombucha?
Dude, ‘buch is just dope. It tastes like effervescent freedom, kissed with the subtly sweet lips of redemption. Plus, it has probiotics. I mean, there’s no reason NOT to love it. Personally, I find it goes best with a robust manchego and a Browning Hi Power—or perhaps a Walther P5, depending on your mood.
Where can I find an HK P7 for less than the cost of my pancreas?
While this may come as a surprise, studies have shown that people can function quite normally with little to no pancreas. I mean… I’m not telling you how to live your life. But just think about it.
My Glock is purple! I’m such a gun hipster!! Right??
No.
Where do I go from here?
I dunno, Florida? Vegas? Maybe Applebee’s? No, no, no—DON’T go to Applebee’s. That’s just… wrong. You do know they microwave everything, right?
Anyway…
At the end of the day, YOU must take ownership of your personal gun-hipster journey. Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life, pursue your dreams, or striker-shame you into carrying a Glock 19. Because anyone who knows anything knows that the Sig P239 is still a better carry gun than a G19. Even though it weighs more. And holds half the ammo. And is out of production. And is more expensive. Even for a janky-looking police trade.
But damn the P239 can shoot.
Thanks for reading, my fellow gun hipsters.
#groupsizematters #dasa4life #hiptac
I fit most of the criteria, but kombucha tastes like shit.
John Wiccan you need to go outside and touch grass
I dislike gun hipsters because they go around writing snarky, snowflakey articles about shooters they deem less worthy. Those hipsters are so judgemental and bitch-like with their -isms, unlike us non-hipster, right-minded gunowners!
I love this article. I don’t have a gun snob bone in my body but…I’m OAF so I’m more impressed with how trendy look and sound, rather than the boring, useless ability to hit the target in the first place. I think gun hipsters should be ridiculed and canceled due to their refusal of join the cool people. I know a guy who shoots stuff like Garands, 1911s and non-Glock pistols. When he shows up, I make sure he sees me side-eyeing him. I just want to him to know that I will NOT be selecting for my A-Team. “A” stands for asshole.